People Actually Like CostCo???

For years people have been saying "you guys need to get a CostCo membership." I'd always responded, I don't have room in my house for five-gallon vats of mayonnaise." The usual response to that is, "oh, they have more than just super-sized stuff."

At any rate, this week, there was a Groupon deal for CostCo memberships. So, I pulled the trigger. Got the email saying "here's your membership number, come down to the service desk at your local CostCo to activate your membership." Forwarded that email to my wife so she could do it as part of her errands (since her Wednesday errands take her right past a CostCo).

She goes to CostCo, today, intent on registering/confirming/activating the membership per the emailed instructions. She's told, "your husband will need to either come down to do it or go online and add you as an authorized user."

My wife and I share a last name (her decision, not mine) and, obviously, an address. While I understand CostCo is trying to cut down on account-sharing, denying the ability of someone with the same last name and address (printed on a government ID — a RealID one, no less) to activate the account is beyond stupid.

She gets home and sends me the URL for logging in. I go to the web-site and attempt to login. It asks for my email address and a password I was never forwarded. So, I hit the "forgot my password" link. I enter in the email address I registered with expecting a confirmation link or code to shortly arrive. 

Several minutes pass with no confirmation link or code. So, I figure, "Ok, maybe I need to create an account, first". I then try to use the account registration-tool. Enter my email address. An email address with a confirmation code shows up in under 5s. Take that code and enter it into the online registration form. Am greeted with an error message and instructions to call customer support so I can give them the code.

The "contact support" text-string is a clickable link. "Cool," I think. I click the link. It takes me to a page of phone numbers to call. None really seem to match why I'm wanting to call, so I pick one that looks most likely to get me where I need to be.

Call goes through and a robot picks up. I work through the IVR system until I realize, "this fucking thing is just a loop," after I've gone several iterations of hitting "3" then "4" and hearing the same number-punching guidance.

Livid, I return to the page to see if there's any kind of email address or chat tool I can use.

There's a chat tool. I click on it. Window pops up saying that I'm talking to a virtual assistant (fucking wonderful). It offers a screenful of options. At the bottom of those is a line saying "type 'agent' if you'd like to speak with a customer service representative" (nevermind that I clicked the chat-link to chat with a human, not a fucking robot).

I dutifully type in "agent". It then asks me what I'm wanting to talk with an agent about (DAMMIT). I hit enter without selecting a reason, but it continues the chat-routing. It prompts me for the email address I signed up for the membership with and the membership number that was sent via email.

Eventually, I get a human in the chat. She asks me for my email address and membership number (why the fuck was I prompted for those if the human was going to need to ask for them again???). I type the requested information at her. I explain the situation, finishing up with the mention of the error message. She asks for that message and error code. I give it to her. She tells me she has to talk to one of her support people and that it would be a few minutes.

A few minutes pass. She says she needs my phone number so she can call me and then patch me through to her support rep. I give her the number.

My phone rings. I hear a voice on the other end asking "is this Mr. Jones". I respond in the affirmative. She then says to please wait while she does a warm handoff to her support representative.

Eventually, the support representative gets on the line. Again, we go through the gory details. The support representative then asks if she can text me a one-time code as a verification. I verify the number she wants to send to. She indicates she sent it. Nothing arrives. After a few more minutes, a text message continues to fail to arrive.

She asks me if I have another textable phone number. I say that I do but it's not a number that I like to use. She indicates that it's just for a one-time text and that it won't be saved to my account. I give her my phone's actual SIM phone number. She says she just tried to send a text but that her system said it wasn't a valid number. I respond, "I use Google Fi for my SIM: they re-sell T-Mobile and maybe your system doesn't like that." She responds with the question, "do you have a land-line I can call?" I tell her, "it's 2026, so, 'no'."

She then says that she's going to have to further escalate my case and asks if the number that she's talking to me through can be used. I affirm that it is. She tells me it will be 1-2 business days before there's follow-up from the escallation.

So, yeah, I'm not best pleased with CostCo, right now.

Always Check Your Work (Order)

In news of "this is why you always read the estimate before authorizing the work"...

During the middle of May, we went to Vegas for a ten-day trip to take in a three-day EDM festival plus related shows before and after the festival. While we were gone, the DC area got stupid amounts of rain. In one 24-hour period we got 7" of rain and in a further 48 hours, the three-day rain total went up to 11". So, when I came home and my wife's car was poppping alerts, I wasn't super surprised. Even though the car was street-parked on a hill — such that there was no possibility of it actually getting flooded — it was still a lot of rain. That volume of rain often finds ways to get into vehicles that are parked for the duration.

What I was surprised by was when, on our way to replenish our vacation-bare refrigerator, the car completely quit. First the A/C fan cut out. Then alerts for the power steering, brake-assist, AWD, throttle, etc. all popped. As I limped the car to a safe pull-off — a semi-vacant strip-mall — the alerts went away ...because the electrics completely quit, taking the instrument panel with them.

I called the dealership where we got the car. When I'd bought the car, I'd paid the extra $3K for the extended warranty. They gave me the number for a towing-company they work with. I called the towing-company. When the dispatched driver called to say he was five minutes out, I called Uber. While the tow-man rigged our car up onto the flat-bed, we caught the Uber over to the dealership. This was two Saturdays ago, now.

Dealership gave us a loaner and, because it was a holiday weekend, told us it would probably be Tuesday before they'd have a chance to look at it. Tuesday came and went and no call from the dealership's service department. First thing Wednesday, I called to find out where the fuck the estimate for my car was. Around lunchtime, they mailed me the estimate. The total expected repairs were expected to come to a little over $4,000: alternator, serpentine belt, front-struts, alignment and battery ...nearly 75% of that total was the estimated labor cost.

I replied back to the email with commentary:

• "That's a brand new battery: it shoul accept a charge just fine. If it needs to be replaced already, I'll need to smack another garage around for this part of the repair costs."
• "I bought the warranty-extension to cover the mechanicals through 6yr/60,000. The car is less than six years old and has less than 45,000 miles on it. Losing an alternator at this point in time seems really premature - almost as premature as the warranty-covered loss of the clutch at 33,000 miles. Are you telling me that none of this is covered?"

So, the service representative said he'd check on the warranty-coverage. Meanwhile I'm thinking, "you presented me an estimate for $4,000 and you didn't even bother to see if the warranty I bought through you guys covered anything??"

Two days pass and I don't hear anything further from the dealership. I decide, "fuck this waiting," and call back to ask the status. "My" service-lead had apparently gone on vacation and hadn't passed the ticket down. They assigned me a new lead. We went over the estimate on the phone, and, again, I had to bring up the warranty. Again I was informed that they needed to contact the warranty guarantor.

Another couple days pass and it's now Friday with no word back. So, I call for another status check. I'm told they're still waiting on the guarantor. I note that I'll call again, Monday afternoon, if I don't hear back from them. I didn't hear back from them by lunchtime, so I called (at 13:30 - no point calling during lunch-hour). This time I'm told that the guarantor's adjuster is due to arrive any time, now, to check/ok the work. They'll get me an updated estimate depending on the adjuster's findings.

They actually did call me a little before 16:00. Even better, not only was the $1000 associated with the alternator parts-and-labor covered, so to was all the other stuff (with the exception of the warranty deductible and the cost of the wheel alignment). In short, my $4,000+ initial estimate drops to a little less than a $300 outlay. And, about that I'm happy.

The thing that gets me is, had I not pushed back, I'd have been on the hook for $4,000+ worth of repairs. Why the hell wouldn't they just automatically do right by me? Why the hell did I have to push to get what was due me from the warranty? I mean, had I not pushed for them to verify the coverage, I'd have essentially paid for the repairs twice: once for the unused warranty and once for the repairs themselves. 

Further aggravating is that it's been nearly ten days to get to this point. Granted, they'd given me a loaner, so I didn't have to rent a car during the period nor strand my wife while I worked had I not been able to afford to rent one. But it's still annoying to be stuck in a loaner for that long. Don't get me wrong, the loaner isn't shitty, but it's definitely the base-model ...and our car very much is not.

C'mon to the 21st Century, Citi

So, recently, I opted to apply for an airline rewards card issued through Citibank. It's been... "interesting," thus far.

For starters, when I followed the application-link that came from my preferred airline, it took me to a Citi-hosted web page. The page itself wouldn't render in any of my normal browsers. I had to switch to a browser with all privacy-plugins deactivated and with most in-built security-settings disabled. Yeah. Good start.

Once I was able to actually login and fill out the form, I received a "thanks: we'll have our decision to you within 7-10 business days" exit-page. Seven to ten days??? For the past several years would-be providers of revolving-credit services have typically been able to make their decisions in less than 7-10 munutes. Why the fuck does Citi take days to do things everyone else takes minutes to do. I mean, that's several orders of magnitude to make the same kind of decision. It's not like they were offering me an outsized line of credit, either. Hell... the companies that provided my my solar loans only took a few minutes to generate their approvals. So, again, "WTF, Citi?"

When I'd applied for the card, I'd assumed I'd have it in hand for my trip to Vegas. Between the protracted decision-making time and the fact that they USPSed the card to me (again, Citi, "WTF: everyone else does this shit via FedEx or 2nd-day USPS because they want to start earning money off me - why you delivering the card via standard ground mail??"), I did not have the card in hand for that trip. Citi coulda made fees on ten days worth of hotel accommodations, several very nice restaurant tabs, quite a few bar tabs not to mention all the Uber rides and concert merchandise. But, nope, they had to be slow.

At any rate, we got home from Vegas and found the new card waiting in the stack of mail our pet-sitter had brought inside for us. I got the new card out of its envelope and activated it via Citi's card-activation portal. I set up all my profile information. I set up my security-verification questions and answers, various pins and other secondary authenticators. And, because I prefer to use my phone - rather than physical cards - I installed their e-wallet. I'd have just used my regular e-wallet, but Citi apparently thinks that only their e-wallet will do (presumably, they don't want to split fee-making opportunities with other e-wallet services), so, "whatever".

Once I'm outside the card's trial period (during which I earn the airline's mileage bonus), I'll probably revert to using my regular card(s). Those cards work with my preferred e-wallet and are just generally better service providers.

At any rate, today was the first farmers market we could hit since getting back from Vegas. It was a "refill the pantry" kind of trip. I figured, "use the new card and start knocking out my obligation towards getting the airline reward." Used the card with eight different vendors with no problems. Got to the last vendor we were going to hit, and my card was declined. Pop open Citi's e-wallet and it tells me "security-hold placed on card: please contact this number."

With much annoyance, I hit the number in the app. It rings through and puts me into their customer service call-tree. First thing it asks for, before routing me, is my credit card number. All I can think is, "seriously? I called from your fucking app and it couldn't have put me into your routing system with that information already populated?" So, I punch in my card number. I then answer the first security question (c'mon, guys, I've got an authenticated device on my person - why aren't you leveraging that capability). I'm then placed on hold while a represetative becomes available. Five minutes pass and eventually a CSR picks up the line.

First thing they ask for is my card number. I point out to them that me reading my card and CCV number out in a public place kind of defeats the purpose of calling in to verify my card's security. They audibly shrug and ask for both bits of info. I supply them. They then ask for further authenticators. I again preface my reply with commentary about the wisdom of being asked for this while I'm in a public place surrounded by randos. Now that I'm sufficiently authenticated, the CSR says that he has to forward me to the correct department.

Mmmmmkay... So, your app had me dial a number that wasn't even the correct department and before you could decide I needed to be routed to a different department, you had to authenticate me?

First CSR does a warm hand-off to the next CSR. Next CSR is apparently wrapped in cotton batting because I could barely fucking hear her. I ask her adjust her volume since my phone's maxed, I'm in a noisy place and she's barely audible. She does so. Once we're able to hear each other ...she asks for my account and CCV numbers. I don't bother to point out the stupidity of having to do so since she was getting me via a warm-handoff from someone that had already collected that information. I don't bother to point out the stupidity of having to audibly dictate that information (again) in a public place. She brings up my information an realizes that she needs to hand me off to yet a third representative.

Second CSR does a warm hand-off to third CSR. If you guessed that the third CSR needed me to dictate my card and CCV numbers, you'd be correct. Further, this CSR needed to send me an SMS to further verify me. Unfortunately, apparently Citi's SMS system doesn't think that my phone number is a valid phone number. So, she can't adequately authenticate me (???) via that method. Fortunately, since I'd set up a bunch of secondary authentication methods when I activated my account, she was able to verify me using one of the yet-to-be-used ones. She then informs me that they need to ground-mail me a paper form that I need to fill out and ground-mail back to them before they can unlock my card. Incredulous, I ask, "why did you issue me a card and provide an online activation mechanism if that wasn't going to be sufficient to actually use my card ...and why did you let me make eight charges before deciding 'whoa, that's enough, there, buddy!'?" She says she's sorry for the situation but she's bound by policy. I note to her that I will be contacting my airline and probably canceling the card once I've claimed my reward. She again states she's sorry that I feel the service has been inadequate and to look for the form in the mail.

Hoorary for quality customer service. Hooray for great security procedures.

Eventually, we complete our errands — doing the remaining transactions with one of my less asstacular credit cards — and return home. After unpacking everything and settling in, I get out my laptop an visit Citi's website. After logging in, it tells me "card is on security-hold, pleas call...". I figure, "worth a shot: maybe they can at least explain this morning's debacle." So, I pick up my VOIP phone and dial the number.

This time, no call-tree an no waiting on hold. Explain basic situation to CSR. He asks for my secondary authenticators so he can open my record. He then asks for my cell number so he can send me a one-time authenticator-number ...their system still thinks my number is invalid. So, he calls me on my number. He rings through, verifying that the number on my account is valid. He updates the information in my account to that effect. Now able to get into the particulars of why my account got put on hold, he notes that they were supposedly not able to validate my SSN. I can only express minor incredulity — "why would you issue a card if there was a problem with my SSN that wouldn't allow me to use my card." He reads to me what they have on file and I validate that the information is correct. This time, his system is able to validate my SSN (where it couldn't previously for whatever fucking reason). He indicates that with things validated, he can remove the hold and that there's no further need for an exchange of ground-service paper-based mails.

While I'm thankful that things are resolved, I ask him why there was so much of a runaround, previously. Obviously, he couldn't really provide an answer to that beyond, "I honestly don't know." I think him for his assistance and we conclude the call. Regardless, I'm obviously sub-impressed with Citi's policies, procedures and IT back-end.

Seriously: if this were 1998 or maybe even 2008, this might have made some kind of sense. As it is, though...

Ninety Minutes of Customer Service Hell

Tangents and rage to follow...

See this?

This is the excerpt from my Google Voice call log that shows the length of my phone call with Verizon FIOS's customer support.

In general, I've had very little in the way of problems with any of my various Verizon services. ...Which is a good thing, because dealing with telcos' customer service departments is never anything less than a frustrating trial. To be fair, unlike my recent run-in with Sprint (on my mother's behalf), I came away from things mostly satisfied (or, at least as satisfied as one can be having had to call customer support in the first place).

At any rate, the long, bloody story.

I'm a convenience fan. Thus, I use things like electronic billing. I've had my Verizon bill and other utilities on automatic payment plans for years, now. To most of my billers' respective credits, such arrangements have been mostly without incident. That came to a crashing end, today.

I'd gotten email notification from Verizon that my auto-pay was due to be processed within the next 48 hours. I limit my exposure to auto-pay problems by having a special eBill checking account linked from my main checking account. Each month, as my direct deposits come in, a budgeted amount is transferred from my incoming checking account and distributed to my bill-paying account, my investment account, my "rainy-day" account and my "playtime" account. That auto-pay warning email is handy, because it allows me to be 100% sure that my bill-paying account has sufficient funds to cover any pending direct-pay arrangements.

When I looked at today's notification, the number looked higher than I was expecting. So, I logged into my Verizon account to see what was up. Perusing my bill, "Oh: my promotional-discount for upgrading my Internet to the 50/50 plan has expired." ...but then I noticed a $0 line-item for a service that I'd thought I'd canceled previously.

Then I noticed that my prior month's bill was $90 more than I expected. Given the $0 line item, I got a sinking feeling in my stomach. So, I clicked on the "detailed bill" for the prior month. "MOTHERFUCKER!" There, on my bill was a $90 auto-renewal charge for the "canceled" service ...number 2 of 2 (really amusing that the three prior years' versions of the package were billed in four installments).

I'd managed to not notice the out-sized bills because there was always enough in my bill-pay accounts to cover things. Granted, the slack-balance was lower than expected, but not precipitously so. At any rate, it was a service that I'd previously tried three different ways to cancel:

• You see, last winter, I'd had some glitches with my NHL Center Ice option. The tech support guy I spoke to was able to resolve the technical problem. However, after a couple of years of NHL Center Ice, and recent acquisitions of suitable mobile devices, I was looking for alternatives. So, while I was on the call with the tech support guy, I'd asked, "can you ensure that my NHL Center Ice doesn't auto-renew after this season." He'd informed me that he'd be able to put the note on my account and that it should not renew come the 2014/2015 season. Thus, I assumed I would not see further NHL Center Ice line-items on my bill.
• Come May time-frame of this year, I was doing one of my periodic reviews of my accounts. "Huh... There's still an NHL Center Ice line-item on this account. It's a $0 thing - maybe it's a leftover from the just-past season". Still, I called in to verify that the auto-renewal was, indeed, set to be canceled. The person I spoke to verified that such was the case. Dunno why, but this made me think "ok, yeah: that will not renew itself this fall" and went on my merry way.
• Around the end of September/beginning of October, I opted to pull the trigger on getting an NHL GameCenter Live subscription. It was slightly cheaper than NHL Center Ice, and it let me watch hockey games via my XBone, my Rokus (awesome when visiting my mom since I could still see hockey using her Roku), my cell phones, my laptops and my notepads. With NHL Center Ice, I'd always been stuck only able to watch from home (yeah, I coulda done the SlingBox thing, but that was more effort than I wanted to deal with). With the new NHL online service, I noticed I was having some issues with streaming-quality/stability. I figured, "upgrade to a higher speed-tier - that'll fix it". So, I logged into my Verizon account to do the online upgrade. As Iwas reviewing the account prior to upgrading, I noticed another $0 charge for NHL Center Ice. "Ok... well, there's a button here for letting me alter my services: I'll just use that to delete this thing." I ran through that process, but, by this point (finally), I'm suspect of the damned package actually deleting. Before I committed to the cost of upgrading my Internet speed, I opted to use the web-chat tool to speak to a Verizon representative. I pointed out my continued problem with the persistent NHL Center Ice subscription. I asked if she could ensure that it got deleted. She verified that, yes, it was set to be deleted. I hit finish on the upgrade-transaction, thinking that I was now good to make the switch from NHL Center Ice to NHL GameCenter Live.

Obviously, that last thought was in error. So, I girded myself to deal with phone support. I hit the "call me" button on my Verizon accounts page. A few seconds later, my phone rang.

I navigated the call tree, selecting the "billing questions" options. I got connected to a CSR, and laid out my problem to her. She informs me, Oh, this department only handles payments not billing issues or credits. I think to myself, "Okaaay... Of course the billing questions option wouldn't allow me to actually do anything about a billing problem". But, "whatevs", right? She tells me she'll need to transfer me to the department that handles such issues.

About a minute later, another woman in another department picks up. We do the dance of "what's your phone number" so she can do an account lookup. I inform her, "I don't have a phone number associated with my account: I don't have a Verizon landline and every time I've tried to get my cell number (actually my GV number since 2009) associated to my account, my account's phone association fails to update". This isn't super surprising, given that whenever I've tried to use the web-tool to update my profile, it tells me my GV number is not a valid phone number. Fuckers.

I'd always assumed, however, that the CSRs had a different access method to the account records and could force the number into the appropriate place. Given that the number always seems to fall off my account, I'm assuming that Verizon's accounts system has some kind of de-linter that looks at profiles and prunes out any "bad" data. Too bad that de-linter is as broken as their web UI's number-validator. Probably the same code segments.

 So, I tell her, "I can give you the account number to look-up, directly". She insists that she has to look up by phone number. So, I give her my GV number - along with the admonition that it probably won't work. As expected, she tells me that she can't find an account with that phone number. Shocking, I know. She prompts me for other information so she can find my account. Apparently, they have a half dozen or so options to find an account, but giving them the actual account-number is not a valid option.

Ultimately, she finds my account. She then asks me what my problem is. I tell her the long story of the ghosts of NHL Center Ice plaguing me. I ask her to remove the plan from my account and reverse the charges. She tells me that the plan has been removed from my account. To which I reply, "...and the charges reversed, correct?"

She replies that she can't refund me the charges.

I ask her if she's serious. I point out to her that, what she's telling me, is that Verizon has siphoned $180 out of my account for a service that I didn't want and haven't used, and, are now going to make it so that I can't watch the channels I've already paid for.

She tells me she can re-activate the plan and that I can get the auto-renewal canceled at the end of the season. I want to scream at her, "are you fucking crazy? Have you not heard one fucking word of my description of how failfuckingtastic canceling auto-renewal has proven to be?" Knowing that this is unlikely to prove fruitful, I only respond by reiterating the prior travails I'd gone through. She informs me she only has record of the first service call and that she can't help me any further other than the options given.

I fight back the urge to completely lose my shit (yes, it's possible to "even", even in the face of borderline Kafkaesque "customer service"). I ask her to connect me to her supervisor.

She responds by telling me that the wait for a supervisor will be at least thirty minutes. I respond "whatever", because, at this point, I'm committed to riding this hell-train to the end of the line.

Long-silence. Seriously - it was a good three minutes before I hear her ask "do you want to wait for the supervisor?" She had seriously been sitting there, waiting silently - not understanding my "whatever" to mean "yes, connect me, I'll wait".  So, I had to explicitly state, "yes, put me on hold for a supervisor"

(Commence crappy hold music...)

(...Continue with atrocious hold music)

Twenty minutes later, the original CSR breaks into the hold music. I'm thinking, "wait, did I seriously just wait another twenty while she waits to put me into the supervisors' hold queue???" Fortunately, she was breaking in to tell me that I was next up in the queue for a supervisor.

Huh... It was actually going to be a warm-handoff. That's a good sign, right?

Eventually, a new voice comes on the line, identifying herself as the supervisor. She asks me for my account info. We go through the "there's no phone number associated with the account" dance. I'd be apoplectic, at this point, but I've worked for the companies that became Verizon and otherwise had to deal with telcos, in a professional capacity, to know that only calls get transferred, not support session or account information data. So, I just shuffle morosely through the steps.

She opens my account. I walk her through the sequence of events, noting that the first CSR had indicated a lack of records on Verizon's side that supported my case. But, I was able to point to the fact that I'd upgraded my account to support my position that I had previously made requests to cancel the NHL Center Ice service. Still, she had no record of the chat session. Apparently, with Verizon's disjoint information systems, just because you're talking to someone using their web-chat tool doesn't mean your account will reflect it. Fortunately, because of the January customer support call, it had established that I'd previously communicated with them. And, even though the tech support guy hadn't actually noted the cancellation request (he probably had, but, given Verizon's crappy inter-department data-transfer, the note probably got dropped in the transfer from one Verizon IT pond to another), it, combined withe the timing of the upgrade, was enough for her to justify issuing me the credit for the service.

So, 81 minutes of phone-hell later, I appear to have finally gotten the service canceled and the charges reversed. Still, I should probably log in, next week, and verify both things.

The worst part of all this? While there is an alternative to FiOS, that "alternative" is to Cox. I could probably link-out to the various Cox customer service horror stories that actually made the evening news, but Cox's CS issues are well known enough to make that redundant. At any rate, assuming the service is actually canceled - and stays canceled - and the charges do end up reversed, I don't currently have to consider dancing with the Cox-monster.

Aggressive Billing Practices

I really have to wonder what the fuck is wrong with various merchants, doctors and other service providers. I mean, I get that there's a lot of deadbeats out there and that everyone wants to get paid on-time, but the billing practices of some providers has become insultingly-aggressive.

Last year, we'd gotten hit in a head-on collision that rendered our SUV undriveable. The local police called a wrecker for us. The wrecker came and picked up our vehicle and towed it to their lot. The next day, the insurance company came and towed it to the body shop it was going to be repaired at. Before the week was out, I had received a lien-notice in the mail from the wrecker. They'd sent it out within 24 hours of towing the vehicle without so much as even an attempt to bill me or the insurance companies for the initial tow (yet, they released the vehicle?).

At the time, this seemed unreasonable, but, I could at least sort of understand it from the standpoint that there was no previous business relationship between us and the towing company, so there was no good track record of timely payment. I could also understand it from the standpoint that a significant portion of their business is related to police-initiated impound-tows and impound-tows from illegal parking in private lots. Annoying, but at least sort of understandable that they might be aggressive in seeking liens.

In May, the company I worked for switched insurance carriers. My wife had had one of her regularly-scheduled appointments (she's got a chronic condition, so the appointments happen every six weeks) that month. Apparently, when the doctor's office submitted the bill for insurance reimbursement, they submitted to the wrong insurance company (and it was, naturally, declined). Last week, we received a notice from our prior carrier about a $3000 patient-responsibility and, a couple days later, a notice from the collection company her doctor's office had turned the bill over to. Now, this is a doctor my wife has been seeing since 2009. This is a doctor who has been paid, on time, every time, for just shy of three years now. So, we have a well-established payment track record. Yet, somehow, due to a billing mistake on their part, we get a collection notice - without ever having so much as received a call from their billing department or even a "we can't schedule you for your next appointment due to an outstanding balance issue" when my wife had called in a week or so previous to the receipt of the collection-notice.

Seriously: WTF? How fucking hard is it to reach out to customers - especially customers with a well-established track record of timely payment - before just kicking things over to collections?

Why I Hate "The Hartford" Insurance Companies

So, on Saturday, May 28th, my SUV was backed into by a driver insured through The Hartford's Small Business auto insurance group. We exchanged information and went about our respective ways. I contacted my insurer to aprise them of the situation. They recommended I contact the other preson's insurer (The Hartford) and file a claim directly with them.

The Hartford, being a customer-service oriented company, doesn't really make themselves available for people to file claims. They only have agents available to open and process claims from 08:00-17:00 Eastern time during the regular business week. So, if you have a day job, you're stuck trying to call them during business hours. If you're like me, this is made difficult by not having predictable access to phones during those hours.

At any rate, the following Tuesday (5/31), I opted to go into work an hour late so that I could call the ass-hats at The Hartford. A little after 08:00, I called in and opened a claim. I was told that an adjuster would contact me within two business days. I informed them that I had limited phone-access, but they assured me that I would be contacted and that, if I wasn't reachable, they'd leave a message. Well, it's now 18 days later and I've yet to hear from an adjuster and there have been no voicemails left at any of my phone numbers. 

I guess I'm a bit spoiled by my insurance company. My insurance company allows one to file and track claims 24/7. Their only real hours limitation is that of individual claims adjusters. While their adjusters' hours are limited by comparison to the overall claims service process, their adjusters are very prompt about returning phone calls or contacting you via alternate means (such as email). Dealing with my insurance company shows how craptacular the service of companies, such as The Hartford's, is.

Interestingly, I opted to call the actual policy holder, Rick's Carpet and Flooring. I spoke with a nice gentleman (Rob, I believe) who told me that The Hartford had told them that they'd already taken care of the issue. I found this rather odd, considering that my vehicle was still not repaired and I had yet to be contacted by a claim's adjuster. Rick's is supposed to call me back, Monday, after they've had a chance to re-engage the Hartford and find out what the heck is up. They're a small, local, family-owned business, so, the solicitousness of their response was about on par with what I expected.

So, it should be interesting to see how this all works out. I may have to delay the start of one of my work days, next week, to try to track down an adjuster from The Hartford. The damage was only slight, but, at this point, it's more one of those "the principal of the thing" exercises.

WTF, Lowes

Sometimes, I don't "get" the phone calls I get from businesses. Case in point, our recent purchase of an outdoor table and chair set from the nearby Lowes. We'd ordered it with delivery and assembly service, with service date being today. This morning, I get a call from the guy at Lowes. They won't be delivering it, today, because they don't have it in stock and that he'd call back, later today, when he had a stock-in date to arrange the delivery. Okay...

Just a few minutes ago, the guy calls back. He informs me that he has spoken to their garden department manager and was informed that they don't carry that item. I note to him that I found this rather odd, as I'd taken the bar-code card off of the set that was sitting on display over in the garden furniture area. He agreed that what he'd said didn't make sense and that he'd have to talk to the garden manager, again, since he wasn't seeing the set as being at other stores or being orderable. I noted that this seemed rather odd, as well, since the bar-code card had an entry in their point-of-sale system that had allowed the cashier to ring up the $780 worth of furniture and delivery/assembly services. He agreed and sounded even more confused, but assured me he'd call back with an answer before he left for the day.

Meanwhile, I've got a $780 charge sitting on my Visa, no furniture and no resolution in site. God how I love modern retail.

US Bank Online Web Portal(s)

Each and every fucking time I use US Bank's web portal, I hate them more and more.

God. Their web site is just unspeakably horrible.That said, they do seem to make frequent changes to it.

Now, you'd think that they would be changing it to address some of its horribleness. You'd think that they'd try to change it for the better. But, no, such is not the case. Each time they change it, they actually manage to make it worse. I wouldn't think it possible, but, yet, every time they change it, they still manage to fuck it up worse.

This time was a real treat. I'm one of those people that bookmarks websites that I have to visit more than once. Helps with remembering where I need to go. Well, US Bank has decided I shouldn't go directly to that URL, any more. They've now set a redirect on the that URL that now points to a different website. Even better, the navigation on the new site is completely fucking brain-dead. If you click on the "login" button (on the page that has "mortgage" in the URL), it takes you away from the mortgage site and to their personal banking site. Unfortunately, you can't pay your mortgage through that site.

I call in to find out just what the fuck is going on. I'm told, "no, you don't click on the login button," (which, was pattently obvious, the first time you click on it and get redirected to someplace stupid). Instead, "you have to scroll down to the very bottom of the page and click on 'Manage & Pay Mortgage' link." How completely obvious was this bit of navigational daring-do?

At any rate, it's this "Manage & Pay" link that then takes you to the mortgage-specific login. And, to add insult to injury, that mortgage-specific login is the exact same damned page that my bookmark was set to, it's just now at a slightly different URL. Whut. The. Fuck?

The whole point of an online banking system is to make things so that your customer doesn't have to interact with an expensive to employ/maintain human. It really rather defeats the purpose when your web site is set up so horribly that people have to call in, navigate your equally horrible call-tree, find they have to call three different phone numbers (because the "call this number for assistance" phone number takes you to the wrong department and the person at that department can't forward you and refers you to yet another incorrect number...)

I hate you, US Bank. I really do. I have no idea how your CSR's haven't gone on murder sprees, because I gotta think that the number of frustrated people calling in has to be rather high and a non-trivial percentage of those people are a lot less nice about things.

Dear Microsoft...

Please stop back-revving my video drivers on Patch Tuesdays. It's really distressing to come down on a Wednesday morning to the sound of the fan whining on my laptop because the system is so busy having to restart crashed video drivers every few seconds. It's really distressing to discover that what you thought was plenty of time to get up, get showered, get breakfast and get out the door to be in the office early is actually going to result in being late because you have to re-find working video drivers (all while coping with a system made mind-bendingly slow by the constantly crashing, back-revved video drivers).

The really interesting thing about all this, however, is that, my auto-update settings seem to get overwritten, every so often. As a rule, whenever I get a new computer, I specifically change my "recommended settings" from auto-update to the "auto-download but manually apply" option (so as to avoid these kinds of morning debacles). If I'm going to have to deal with a potentially unusable computer - particularly one I use for work - I want it to risk becoming unusable at a time that's convenient to me, not just whenever Microsoft wishes to push out patches that fuck me over.

Automated Call Handling

I hate automated call-handling systems. I know, "who doesn't". However, some call systems are worse than others. The least odious are the ones where you only have to go one or two menus deep. Then, you get the ones where you punch in more menu options than the numbers you dialed to get to the damned call system. Seriously: who thought that was a good idea?? Other fun ones include the ones where you have no option to hit "0" (or equivalent) to speak to just get routed to someone. Or the call trees that force you to wait till they stop reading menu options before it will accept a key-punch (if I know I want option #2, why the fuck do I have to listen to you tell me what option's 3-9 are?). Of course, the ones that send me into a murderous rage are the ones that make you navigate a byzantine call-tree and then dump you either into a voice mailbox or to a bad extension.

The call system my one doctor's "Patient Care" line implements is really hateful. After you navigate the call tree, you get dumped into a wait-queue. Every twenty seconds or so the (oh so) lovely hold music stops, and you're given the option to "press 1 to leave a message or any other key to be placed back in queue." And, then, it just waits for you to do one or the other. It's not entirely clear that you retain your place in queue if you fail to punch a number in time. Making it even more hateful is the fact that it keeps doing this, ad nauseum. Here's a hint: if you've re-prompted me to continue to hold more than twice (and almost definitely if more than six times), chances are I want to continue to wait for someone, so stop bothering me!

Verizon's Still Got a Few Kinks to Work Out of FiOS

Ok, first, let me start by saying that when Cox advertises saying that their customer service is better than that for Verizon FiOS, this is not just marketing, it's verifiable fact. I had Cox as my video and internet provider for several years. So, I had several occasions on which I had to call them. I've now had Verizon for a little over eight months and I've called them more than I called Cox over the entire multi-year period I had their service.

Each time I called Cox, I was able to quickly navigate their call-tree and get a human on the line within a matter of a few minutes. Each time I've called Verizon, it takes at least ten minutes to get through their damned call-tree, and then you wait another 10-30 minutes just to get to speak to the first human in the chain you inevitably have to talk to.

Notice that I say first human. Each time I've called Verizon, I speak to a minimum of two people. Worse, with each hand-off, I have to go through the whole drill of "no, I don't have Verizon phone service" and provide alternate identifying information so they can find my record. Now, why, when they transfer you, the next CSR doesn't have all your info come up on their screen as part of the transfer process is beyond me. With Cox, I generally had a warm hand-off; on those occasions where I didn't, the next representative at least had all my info already on their screen.

Now, I was calling this time because, when I went to turn on tonight's Flyers game, I was met with the "you don't subscribe to this service" screen (and told to call their 800 number to change that). So, I called in. It took just shy of ten minutes to navigate their call-tree just to get to the point that I could be put in a hold-queue. I then spent just shy of fifteen minutes waiting for the first CSR. He got on the phone and we did the whole "find the account" dance. He locates my account and informs me, "that programming option's not on your plan. Does your set-top box not offer you the option of adding it?". I reply, "no, otherwise I'd not have called in." At which point, I'm informed that I'll have to speak to someone in their subscription/add-on services group and that I should, "please hold".

Another six-plus minutes passes on hold. As expected, the CSR that answers has us go through the whole no Verizon phone service dance. Ugh. He finds my account and then looks through it. Apparently, last winter, when I got my FiOS service, it was already at the halfway point of the season. My NHL Center Ice package only for the second half of the season. That half-season package was set to auto-renew in January. I start to laugh at how awfully moronic that was. I then ask him to go ahead and try to get the full-season package added and the half-season auto-renewal removed. It takes him another four minutes to navigate his computer systems (why is it every time I call a CSR organization, they always say "sorry, my computer's being slow"?). He gets the change sorted out. Unfortunately, it will take a minimum of 20 minutes for the change to show up on my set top box, and might even take until midnight for the change to take effect (depending on my market).

Whatever. I was already 40+ minutes into missing the game I wanted to see. Judging by the Flyers' web site, I wasn't really missing a game I wanted to see (they were losing 2-0 to the Columbus Blue Jackets by this point). Maybe, by the time I next tune into NHL Center Ice, it will be up and running on my set top box and will be showing a game I'll be more happy to see.

So, uh, Verizon: you get yet another big, fat "F-" for this customer experience (as you did for the four, prior incidents). And, that's an "F-" by way of comparison to Cox, who isn't exactly known for being top of the heap for customer service.

You're Dead To Me

So, I just got the following in one of my email accounts. This is Oracle's way of saying, "since we bought sun and alienated all of the people that used their products, we don't really have any compelling reason to continue these support channels.

No SunSolve?

Fuck you, Oracle: you and what used to be Sun are dead to me. I do, however, want to thank you for showing me that Microsoft wasn't as evil as I once thought. Nothing like time and actions of others to give you perspective, eh?

To be honest, I was a little surprised to have gotten this. I mean, I thought that I'd deleted all of my accounts that I used to receive emails from Sun.Com from (and, really, I never gave Oracle permission to mail me at any of those addresses). Oh well, hopefully, this will be the last of it. Guess I need to see about setting up filters for those addresses that I can't simply delete.

Fuck You Verizon

So, apparently, at some point in time, Verizon Wireless signed some kind of agreement with Facebook (as they have with other online "services") to automatically install an uninstallable application on your smartphone (I'm assuming all their smartphones and not just the BlackBerry Storms). This was probably a while ago, but, it wasn't until tonight, when I unistalled the FB app I'd installed several months ago, that I discovered it. You see, after I'd selected the FB application for deletion, upon reboot, there was a different FB app icon on my home screen of my Storm. WTF?

Unfortunately, whenever Verizon Wireless does this shit, they make it something that can't be deleted. All you can do is hide the application. Because VZW does this so frequently, I've created a "Junk VZ Apps" folder where I can move these unremoveable applications. I'm sure, once VZ figures this ploy out, they'll come up with some kind of countermeasure.

Shit like this makes me consider ending my plan with them. My BlackBerry is chronically short on memory, as is, and you can't offload apps to the SD card (where I have plenty of storage capacity). So, I don't install that much on it, to begin with. I've called VZW to complain about these unremoveable installs, before. They "helpful" techs inform me there's nothing that they can do but that it's just a stub. It's not really taking up device memory.

I find this somewhat hard to believe. Surely that image on my screen consumes some memory to render (etc.). Surely, even if it's just a stub for downloading the full app, it takes some device memory to put that stub on my phone. Stop eating my already chronically short device memory, fuckers.