Showing posts with label movies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label movies. Show all posts

Monday, May 7, 2012

Avenge Me

I would like to thank the local AMC theatre for screwing my day up.

We've got an after-hours maintenance event, tonight. So, I figured I'd use my late-start day to go see The Avengers. The earliest available showing was the 3D IMAX showing. Only reason I picked it was because it started the earliest.

We got our glasses, our concession and our seats and waited for the movie to start.

The local AMC likes to show "special features" and commercials before the previews. As we sat there, the "special features" and commercials were running but silently. Hmm... Fortunately, when the previews came on, so did the sound.

Midway through the previews, the thing pops up saying "put on your IMAX 3D glasses now". Did as instructed, only to find that the left eyepiece was oddly and distractingly dark. Took the glasses off and noticed that the screen was pretty much crystal clear. At first, I thought "ok, they played the 'put on your glasses' thing too early". Then, the movie started and still it was more watchable without the glasses than with. So, I began to wonder, "did they put the wrong disk into the projector?"

Just after Loki had tesseracted-in and was instructed to put his "spear" down, the screen froze. Apparently, one of the joys of "watching the future of movies, today" is that the projection system can crash.

I figured, "take an early bathroom break and maybe they'll have it sorted out by the time I get back". I get back and the screen's still black. Un-good. I walk back outside to ask the two theatre staffers what's going on. I'm told "we're hoping to get the projector back online in about ten minutes". I ask if the projector problems were related to why the 3D glasses weren't functioning as expected. They informed me that "yes: the projector had been miscalibrated but the glasses should work as expected once the movie restarts".

Fifteen minutes pass and still no movie. Just as I'm about to get up to ask how long the "ten minutes" is going to continue, a theatre employee comes in to tell us that, because the projector's taking so long to reboot, that they have to cancel this showing because it will cause delays to the next one. We're then offerred free passes and the thoice of either a refund or free tickets to the next screening.

Given that I'd chosen this one for its start time - it would have allowed me to see the movie and still make it to work in plenty of time tonight's maintenance window - waiting for the 14:30 showing of a 2.5 hour movie just wasn't an option. So, we got in line for our passes and our refunds: an hour of my day wasted; a movie not seen and $20 spent on "medium-sized" hoglegs of soda and a burnt hotdog - concessions not refundable.

Thanks AMC: you really Mondayed things all up.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

This Is Gonna Be Epic

I'm still really looking forward to this:

However, I fear that it may not get any screenings in the US (or, if it does, none near enough to me).

They are taking orders for a BluRay box-set on their web site. However, at €300 (just south of $400 at today's exchange-rate)  - plus shipping from Europe! - that's a lot of cheddar to drop on something you've never seen. It's an especially big gamble when the best you can hope for is that it's going to be some kind of awesome, cult-worthy  cheese-fest.

Oh well... I wait with bated breath (and, in case you weren't sure, that is the correct spelling of the term: we're not trying to catch fish, here). Hopefully NetFlix or some online streaming service will pick it up (or they offer a more realistically priced BluRay or download option).

Sunday, January 22, 2012

"The Blair Moon Project"

Watching "Apollo 18" is kind of like watching "The Blair Moon Project". Hopefully, this will be the last "documentary-style", "shaky-cam" movie I ever subject myself to. Really? The moon rocks are alive and look like some kind of space-crabs?

They tried way too hard with this one and it suuuuuuucked!

I've seen worse movies - hell, I have NetFlix, after all - but this was just really sucktacular. Sadly, it's not so sucktacular that you just shut it off and be done with it. No, you sit there hoping it gets better, but it never really quite does.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Value Proposition of Movies

Last night, a buddy of mine and I went to go see Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol. It wasn't a horrible movie but it was hardly "art". Two tickets for the non-3D version ran $24. Add in two 1qt bottles of water for $9 bucks (that's $18/gal. for water - even at its peak, gasoline wasn't that expensive) and you're at more than $30 for two hours of mid-grade entertainment.

Today, while at work, a box arrived from Amazon. In that box was the full, 8-movie BluRay set of Harry Potter movies. Sixteen or so hours of quality entertainment. Total price? $60. And that's $60 for unlimited viewings by me and any number of other people that might come over during our ownership of the discs (and, lets not forget loans/swaps with neighbors and friends).

So, tell me, again, why Hollywood thinks that piracy is why annual ticket sales are down by a half-billion seats?

Don't get me wrong, I don't mind spending money if I'm getting good value. But when every trip to the theatre becomes a $20-$40 gamble whose odds are worse than rolling a hard-8 in Vegas and it should be fairly self-evident why everyone's staying home.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Just... "Wow"

So, when I saw the previews, a few months' past, for Battle Los Angeles, I was fully prepared to not go see it in the theatres (maybe not even on NetFlix/Zune/OnDemand). It just didn't look like it was going to be any good.

Tonight, on our way back from downtown, we stopped in at a restaurant at the Potomoac Yards shopping center. After we got done with dinner, Donna wasn't yet feeling like going home, so she asked to drop by the theatre to see what might be playing. Now, this weekend, there happens to be a few movies I do actually want to see. So, I figured, "what the hell: it's twenty after eight, so, we're probably between showings of everything and we can just drive home after we confirm that." Wouldn't you fucking know it but Battle Los Angeles was set to start in less than half an hour. 

Fuck.

Now, I thought I had suitably lowered my expectations for this movie such that it wouldn't be a complete trial. Little did I know just how terrible this steaming-load was going to be. I mean, sure, if you wanted to sum it up in two words you could simply say, "it sucked," but that wouldn't really capture how truly craptacular the movie was. I mean, it was horrible. The guys from MST3K would probably have been left at a loss. You'd be getting to a part of the movie where you can just taste the pending relief of the movie soon being over. Only, the sadistic fuckers that made this piece of shit, would just be teasing and there'd be another 20 minutes or so ...until the next part where you were sure that it was almost over.

No, if I were to try to sum this movie up in two words, those words would be "irredeemably awful."

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Infinitely Re-Watchable Movies

There are many great movies out there and there are many, many awful movies out there. However, it seems that, in terms of ability to be watched, over and over, without becoming tired of it, a movie has to have some other quality to it that usually puts it closer to the awful end of the spectrum than the great end of the spectrum.

One of the earliest movies I recall attaining that status of infinitely repeatably-watchable was The Princess Bride. It was just one of those movies you could pop in the VCR (or stumble upon while flipping through the TV channels) and enjoyable watch it, no matter how many times you'd seen it before or at what part of the movie you started watching it. It's a pretty good movie, but it would probably never be considered a "great movie" (no one's ever gonna lump it in the same category as The Godfather).

The next movie I found that fell into this "infinitely repeatably-watchable" category is the movie The Fifth Element. It most definitely is not a great movie. Its plot and story are absurd. Its characters are barely two-dimensional, let alone having a quality that approaches "depth" - which, given the cast, is probably to be expected. The special effects are merely 'ok'. In sum, there's little about the movie that makes it "stand out". Overall, the movie is almost a pure style-piece. However, at the end of the day, it's the kind of movie that makes no pretensions about what it is, nor does it meander from trying to be one kind of movie or another. It's almost fascinating in just how "empty" it is. I don't know what it is that does it, but it's the kind of movie I can sit down and watch, over and over, and I can do so, no matter my mood or whether I've watched from the beginning or some mid-point.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Netflix Horrors

So, last night was a NetFlix night. Could have watched something on Zune or FiOS's "On Demand" service, but, I wasn't feeling like spending the money.

Netflix had a lot of "new arrivals." However, I think what they mean is "new to their service" not "recently made". At any rate, we found a movie that looked like it would be amusingly bad. The movie was Eyeborgs. It was just about as horribly awful as one might suspect. I suspect that my watching of "Eyeborgs" would have been greatly improved by intelligence-reducing consumables. Unfortunately, the kind of reducers needed aren't really legal, so, I can't partake of them. There's alcohol, but I don't think I could manage the balance between mental obliteration and unconsciousness necessary to make it a watchable flick.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

I'm Black Beard, You Cock-Sucker

Disney's started flogging the latest installment of the Pirates of the Caribbean series. It appears that they've cast Ian MacShane as Black Beard.

My first, memorable, exposure to Ian MacShane was as the character he played in Deadwood. That character uttered, rather frequently, the word "cocksucker". Since then, any time I see him, no matter the context, I sort of expect him to bust out with the "cocksucker" exclamations.

So, with the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie, can we expect to hear Black Beard spout-off with the "cocksuckers"?

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Bad Choice of Title

So, there's apparently a new movie coming out, this month. They've been spamming the airwaves with adverts for Season of the Witch.

Now, I'm old enough to remember another movie that had "Season of the Witch" in it's title. It was, pretty much, the movie that killed the Halloween franchise (until Rob Zombie did a nice job of resurrecting it). Given the movie's name and that it's starring the ever-spotty Nicholas Cage, I can't see ponying up $14/person to go see it in the theatre. Maybe I'd have considered going if the title were different. But, really, that choice of title screams to me, "this movie sucks so hard we had to give it a title to let you know it before you got here."

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Immersive Experience

Went and saw Tron: Legacy, tonight? Paid the $17/person to have a date night with my wife (her idea!) and see it in "IMAX 3D". Now, bear in mind, this is the faux-IMAX that seems to be the norm for Northern Virginia "IMAX" presentations. So, it wasn't the type of IMAX experience you get at a museum's IMAX presentation. No, this is the smaller, IMAX-branded "IMAX experience". Granted 3D movies tend to look better in faux-IMAX than in regular digital 3D - mostly because the images are brighter. But, the screen size/design lacks the immersiveness of "real" IMAX. It seems the theatre near my house tries to restore some of the immersiveness by absolutely blasting the sound (so, you feel the movie as much as see it). Thus, tonight's Tron in IMAX 3D was very LOUD!

Sunday, December 19, 2010

That's Entertainment?

I know I've never seen any of the various "Airport" (or other movies featuring air-disasters) on any flights during all my years of flying. And, on commuter rail (metroliners, regionals or Acela-type), I've never noticed a video option available (though, on an Acela trip back from NYC, I watched Midnight Meat Train on my laptop). Do they ever show "Poseidon Adventure" or "Titanic" on cruise ships' in-room movies?

Friday, November 12, 2010

Think I'll Pass

Why do I get the idea that Knucklehead will perpetuate the truisms about movies that start professional wrestlers?
This guy?
I mean, "The Big Show" may be a nice guy and all. He may even be of above average intelligence. And, truly, "professional wrestling" is all about acting. I just can't see that he's going to be someone to put on a compelling movie-acting performance. Worse, a movie that centers around a wrestler playing a wrestler (I'm presuming: commercials frequently aren't accurate indicators of movie contents) in a comical farce gives me little in the way of faith that this will be a high-quality flick. Really: I'm wondering how this movie got any budget for advertising. It just strikes me as a movie made to go "straight-to-tape".

Monday, November 8, 2010

Megamind (Short Review)

Ok, so, I've gotten used to setting a lower bar for Dreamworks animated features than I do for Pixar animated features. I mean, Pixar tends to be story/characters first and animation second (yet still manage to be top-notch on the animation) and Dreamworks tends to be story/characters as a reason for featuring animation. Dreamworks is also known for every movie featuring the Dreamworks animation smirk.

So, perhaps I went into Megamind with the bar set lower than I might for another CG-animation feature. That said, it was a surprisingly decent flick. Some really good animation (and some really subtle effects, too) and I don't really recall seeing "the smirk". The story was decent and you could reasonably empathize with the characters. Lots of decent slapstick and a decent amount of "for the grownups" jokes and sight-gags. And, in a break from recent movies, Will Farrel was acting as a character rather than as the caricature of himself he usually plays.

Oh... And it was yet another movie that does absolutely nothing to dispel the "creepy gingers" stigma.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Such a Quandary

Today, I came home from work to find that "Sex in the City 2" was playing on my A/V system. Now, I knew that Donna had planned to watch this cinematic atrocity, as she'd IM'ed me, at work, to ask if she could get it via OnDemand. I'd agreed under the assumption that she could get the watching of it out of her system and that I'd not be exposed to it.

What I didn't know is that, not only is "Sex in the City 2" the story of over-the-hill New York whores, it's also of epic duration. I'm not sure, but I think that Lord of the Rings had a shorter running time.

As A result of this, I came home to find Sex in the City 2 playing on my TV. Ultimately, I couldn't decide which was worse: coming home to find Sex in the City 2 on my TV or what father time had done to those shrews (painfully rendered in HD). Granted, Sarah Jessica Parker was never easy on the eyes, but, combine that horse-face with the ill-effects of the passage of time and rendering in HD... It was not a pretty picture that I found waiting for me on my TV.

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Seems an Odd Design Choice

Ok, I fully admit that I'm a nerd and that I often times overthink the technical details shown in movies. It's especially hard for me to overlook computer-related gaffs in movies, given my profession. That said, this is more of what seems to be an architectural gaff in the Star Wars universe. Specifically, the design of the Deathstar.

In the "New Hope" (i.e., the real first Star Wars movie ...that came out when I was seven), the interior structure of the Deathstar was never really clearly spelled out. Yeah, where the Millenium Falcon gets drawn into the docking bay, it seemed to show that at least parts of the Deathstar were oriented in the stereotypical, lazy sci-fi, "there's a universal 'up' direction". However, they never really explicitly stated that the entire station was laid out in the same orientation. It's as logical to assume that the docking bay was oriented that way for functional reasons and that the rest of the Deathstar (at least, 'the rest' that wasn't also docking bays) might be laid out differently.

However, in "Revengeturn of the Jedi", it becomes fairly clear that the entirety of the Deathstar is laid out with a similar orientation:

Deathstar from Return of the Jedi

Looking at the picture, you see that it appears that the interior is made up of stacked, horizontal layers and that the layers are stacked parallel to the equatorial trench. Basically, given a spherical outer shell, the interior structure is stack-upon-stack of circular deck plates oriented along a central, virtically-oriented axis. That is, it's a giant layer-cake design with a spherical outer shell.

Now, to a hack sci-fi writer like George Lucas, this kind of layout might make sense. As a hack, you don't think about things like "how does one put artificial gravity into this kind of structure" (after all, you're too busy trying to imagine what energy-beam weapons sound like in the vacuum of space). To someone like me, and you wonder "how do people stay anchored to the deck they're moving about on?"

With the above type of design, I can only think of a couple ways that the occupants are able to stay anchored to the deck-plating an walk in a way that approaches "normal":

  • There's some gravitic-force at the bottom-most part of the Deathstar that exerts a pull all the way to the top-most part of the Deathstar.
  • Each deck-plate has a gravitic material that has a very localized effect, but is sufficient to keep deck-occupants walking relatively normally
  • The deck plates are made of ferrous materials and everyone's shoes have magnets in them.

Each of the above seems a pretty silly supposition and a horribly thought-out design choice.

  • The problem with a gravitic force rooted at the bottom of the Deathstar is the diminishing force of gravity, the further you get from the gravitic source. One would expect that, with such a design, gravitational pull would be highest in the lowest decks of the station and nearly non-existent in the topmost part. I guess that makes a sort of sense if you're using the upper reaches of the station as machinery or docking space for space ships. However, the scene with the Millennium Falcon demonstrates that at least some of the hanger space is at the station's equatorial region. The drawing above also seems to indicate that the upper reaches of the station doesn't contain the kinds of voids one would expect in a region used for the docking of spacecraft.
  • The problem with per-deck gravity generators is "how does one limit the direction of the gravitational effect". What I'm saying is, if I've got a gravitic force in my floors and a (presumably equal) gravitic force in my ceilings, how am I not being pulled towards the ceiling just as much as I am the floor? How are the forces not canceling each other out, leaving me suspended equidistant from my floor and ceiling. As far as I'm aware, gravity is a force that acts equally in all directions from the gravitational source. While there are theories about monopole magnets, their existence hasn't been proven, yet, and I don't know that there's an equivalent theory for gravitational directionality.
  • Of the three, the ferrous deck-plates is about the only thing that makes any kind of sense. Your anchoring force is very localizable and is easy to make consistent throughout the entire station. Down-side is, with magnetic shoes, I gotta think you still suffer the whole gamut of physical health problems you do with extended deployments on real life space stations (bone loss and muscle-mass loss and the like).

Maybe there's other anchoring technologies I'm not thinking of (beside the "it's some kind of wondrous alien technology" reason that a hack would use to defend his "art").

To me, a more logical design for a spherical Deathstar would be some kind of "concentric shells" design. Basically, a design reminiscent of an onion. That way, you could have a gravitational force at the station's core. Alternatively, you could simulate gravity by way of the station's rotation (this really only works for wheel or ring-style structures, however). It would fit with the whole central reactor core design. If you had some kind of artificial singularity (which, given the kind of power you'd need to be able to generate a planet-annihilating beam-weapon, makes sense), that could act as your gravity source. A gravitational core would also make sense given that "spherical" is the natural shape of celestial objects that have sufficient mass and gravity. It would probably minimize the demands to evenly distribute structural loading (whereas,with a bottom-sourced single gravity source "layer cake" design, creating a sphere shaped station would be a purely aeshtetic play. The location of the gravity source would tend to make exert a non-uniform pull across the station meaning that you'd have to put a lot of complex engineering in place to maintain a spherical shape and not make the station "fragile").

Bleah. Yeah. I overthink this shit.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Splatter-Fest

The car chase scene in Surrogates is the only good part of the movie... It's like something out of Grand Theft Auto.