Dear Squirrels:

I’m not a big fan of sharing the fruits of my gardens with you. However, if I must, I would really appreciate it if you just took the stuff and ate it all. This bullshit with ganking the best tomatoes, eating the centers out of them, then lining up their cored-out husks on top of the fence like some kind of sadistic trophy-shelf makes me want to leave a couple of very pretty, VERY painful poisoned fruits for you.