How Not to be "That Guy" At a Punk Show

I'll start this off by admitting that I'm an old guy for still going to concerts. I'm 41 as of this writing. I'm not yet the oldest guy at the various showsI go to, but I'm definitely at the upper end of the age spectrum. I've been going to shows since my late teen years. So, I've seen a lot of shows and a lot of changes in how attendees act at shows in that time. I dunno whether it's just my age or if people are actually managing to become more idiotic at shows. However, last night, while riding-out the pit at The Adicts show at The Otto Bar, it definitely seemed like there was an ungodly number of idiots present. In fact, it was one of the worst shows - in terms of sheer amount of audience idiocy - that I've been to in over 20 years of going to live shows.

Let me start by saying, I love a good, active pit. That said, there's a lot of things that can make a good, active pit into a royal pain in the ass like the one at the Otto Bar, last night. Chances are, if you're doing any of the following, you're contributing to fucking up an otherwise good pit:

• If you're over 150-180 lbs. don't try to crowd-surf. It ain't cool. You're too fucking heavy.
• If you do decide to crowd-surf, keep your fucking feet under control. While I'm not out to intentionally hurt anyone at a show, if you kick me or one of the people I'm with, I will find you and I will fuck your shit up.
• Don't try to use random strangers as your climbing-pole to start your surf. I'm a big guy and have a fairly good ability to anchor an area of the pit: that doesn't mean I want you trying to use me like a ladder. If you ask nicely (and aren't obviously way too heavy to be crowd surfing) I'll probably be happy to help you up. If you just start climbing, univited, I'll shug you off. If you take a second shot at it, I will elbow you in the jaw and I will try to loosen your teeth. If you do it a third time, I will slam you down and beat on you. I'm not alone in this.
• If I see you climing up on something (that's several feet higher than the crowd) in readiness to jump down on the crowd, I will make sure that where you land suddenly becomes devoid of people (see prior note on being big: I am easily able to push a significant number of people more than enough distance to make sure that your landing will be on concrete rather than on skulls.
• If you get surfed up to the stage, don't belly flop, as hard as you can, onto the crowd. Lay yourself down easy. If your actions hurt me or the people I'm with, you can count on the pain you receive in return being far worse than what you dished out with your idiocy
• If you violate any of the above more than once, each time you do it in my reach, the repurcussions will be incrementally worse.
• (and this is a first) If you just had surgery that day, just because you're still drugged up and can't feel the pain doesn't mean it's a good idea to go into a pit. Even if you didn't destroy your stitches, you're probably getting so much dirty-punk funk in the surgical wound that you're risking fun things like gangrene. Personally, I don't feel like having to pay into the public welfare system to support your stupid ass when you lose a hand because you had to go into a pit with an open wound.

Don't be a fucking meathead.

Couple notes to the women out there:

• Just because your female doesn't exclude you from the 150lbs rule
• Just because you're female doesn't exclude you from the keep your feet under control (particularly if you're wearing in appropriate footwear)
• Speaking of inappropriate footwear: heeled boots, flip-flops and too-loose sneekers fall into this category
• You might want to consider wearing something that keeps you from spilling out of your top
• You migh want to make an effort to not surf face-side down (I dunno, maybe you're into being violently-groped: if that's your thing, cool)
• While I won't take the first shot, if you take a shot at me, I will put you down.

Contrary to what the girl-pants wearing under-25 set seems to think, a good pit isn't determined by how many people you injure. If you think it does, then you're, inevitably, going to find out just how hurt it's possible to get at a show. It might not be me, but it will likely be someone you've pissed off as much as you've pissed me off. At least if it's me doing it, there'll be limits to the punishment. Others might not be so "nice" about it.