I've said it before and I know I'll say it again, "I love StumbleUpon." On a semi-regular basis, they bring you real gems of "news of the weird". In this case, it was the story of a man busted for burglary who, upon vigorous search, was found to have had a mouse in his rectum.
No, I have no freaking clue why he'd have had a mouse in his rectum. Perhaps, the prior night, while stumbling through the dark from his bed to his bathroom, he fell on the mouse and it just ended up in there.
Still, were it me, I'd have to at least try to claim my innocence in the burglary. Perhaps I'd state, "clearly, the mouse was acting as driver and I was just his vehicle." Kinda like Disney's Ratatouille, but up the butt rather than yanking tufts of hair?
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