Saturday, July 31, 2010

Why I Don't Like My Wife Using My Shower

When my wife and I chose this house, it was, in part, because both of the upstairs bedrooms were equipped with their own, individual, full bathrooms (well, after the lust-inducing size of its kitchen, that is). At the time, we were looking for a home suitable for raising 1.3 children.

Alas, children were not in the cards for us. So, the front bedroom became Donna's clothing and costuming closet ...with it's own attached bathroom.

I am fairly spartan about how I keep my quarters. Pretty much, if I don't have a regular use for it, I don't want it sitting around within eyesight. It's not exactly an area of compatibility when you live with a pack-rat who feels compelled to occupy every last available square inch of vaguely horizontal surface area. So, it was almost inevitable that the bathroom would become a point of contention.

Fortunately, absent the 1.3 children, there was another bathroom relatively convenient to our bedroom. All she had to do was cross the hall to use it. Thankfully, that's what she's done, or I don't think I'd still be referring to her as "my wife". Most likely, I'd be referring to her as "my ex-wife" or "my dearly-departed wife".

So, she has her own bathroom in which she can take hours' long, relaxing baths. She has her own bathroom that she can clutter to her heart's content. She has her own bathroom that she can turn into a haven of dust and soot (candle-lit baths tend to cause the white walls to darken over time). She has her own bathroom that she can populate with every cream, gel, perfume and shampoo known to man.

Unfortunately, what she can't seem to do is have a shower in there. For whatever reason, traction-based shower-rods will not stay in place. Between the forces of gravity - which I'm sure I've mentioned, in other posts, exists in overabundance in her presence - the slightly soapy sootiness of the candle residue on every surface of her bathroom, her klutziness and the weight of a shower curtain, her tub/shower unit does not retain a configuration suitable for showering in. After about the 100th time of having to try to re-place her fallen/knocked-down shower curtain, I just gave up.

The side effect of this is that she has to use my bathroom when she wants to take a shower. So now, theres a colony of her gels, powders, creams and tools in my bathroom. Now there's the soot. Now there's the articles of clothing. Now there's mildew on the shower curtain which she only occasionally remembers to draw taught after showering. I get the extra delight of finding clots of orange hair on my shower stall's wall. I get to watch as the sheetrock next to my tub dissolves, over time, because she either can't close the shower curtain enough or not splash the walls enough to keep water from trickling out and down the shower's exterior wall.

And, best of all, I still have to occasionally replace my shower curtain because, now that she's using my bathroom to shower in, it has the same mysterious problem with staying mounted. Unfortunately, because it's the shower I use, I can't simply ignore it. I have to put it back up if I want to take a shower.

Thanks, Donna.

Why I don't like you using my shower: it's bad enough you yanked the shower curtain down in your bathroom, but now mine?? Argh.

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